Intermediate mood

I'm feeling sort of stuck right now. Maybe it's just me. Probably so.

All my personal plans from before the quake are on hold - things that were dreams, goals, and wishes, projects, major life changes. They all became less important than the pressing need to help relief efforts.

But the relief efforts are growing more diffuse and harder to keep track of. Where can I help? What should I contribute toward? Fundraising events and campaigns of all sorts are taking off, including a few that I am helping to coordinate in the hooping community. Lots of independent relief projects have sprung up now, at least in the foreign community, involving delivery of goods. They are critical because they are agile enough to take food and supplies off the beaten track to the people who are sheltering at home without resources of the evacuation centers. Plus there are still 160,000 people in centers and their needs range from basics like water, electricity and food to more modern necessities like phone chargers. Not to mention the start of cleaning up everything. Several friends have made their way north or are about to go help in various ways from mucking mud to cooking to entertaining kids at the clinics. I want to go, too, but something is holding me back.

The feeling of being held back is strong. It's stopping me from doing anything productive today. Part of me wants to create something, part of me wants to shake or stretch or spin. And then this little bit of me puts the kibosh on all those impulses. Every time I make a start, a little voice discourages me. Not a paranoid voice or warning, just something sort of small and depressed. "Don't do that; it's too hard." It's saying the same thing about the taxes and the housework and going outside. So I read a novel and napped today, mostly. There's been no forward progress on anything.

I know that in a day or two this block will break free and I will be full of energy and activity again. I'm just finding it hard and frustrating today. So I think I will force myself to finish the taxes before I make dinner. (Shut up little voice; I know it is hard.) Maybe after dinner I will put pen to paper in a sketchbook to get my mind moving. (Shut up little voice; I'm not making a masterwork, just a doodle.) Tomorrow I will make progress on one of my fundraising/relief activities.

Eventually, my previous plans will be back on track. Until then, I've got to do what I can to help the people needing assistance, including my friends. What can I do for you?


When I have days like this, the best thing I can do for myself is go for a walk. I'll make up excuses not to--that I'm too busy (even though I can't settle to anything). But there is something about physically moving forward, putting one foot in front of another, that helps me move forward mentally and emotionally as well.

Best wishes.

PS. Hope this doesn't result in a duplicate entry. Having trouble with your Captcha

Im finding that the amount of resistance is relative to the size of the task ahead. I have so much to do, taxes, gathering supplies for the next month away and a uni assignment, plus a big bunch of work prep tasks that got dumped on me last night at the last moment when *someone else* left everything to the last moment, cran out of time and passed it onto me. All I can think of is to make a list and take it one task at a time. Im conflicted about the assignment tho, cos as you know work expands to fill the time allotted, and I was hoping to have fun on the weekend rather than do the assignment. Grrrr.

Kristen-recently I felt the same way-I had a knee injury which relegated me to a can and bed rest.Physical therapy was recommended, which seemed improbable. A month later, the cane is in the closet-sometimes the hardest way is the best-but you probably already know that. Love, Uncle George

I have very often in the past had plans big or small that managed to put off by talking myself out of them (and still do). I am getting better by virtue of sometimes I try things and they work and that is great, sometimes they don't work and it's not as bad as I imagined it would be. A piece of writing which I enjoyed recently is - - it is mostly about video games (which have often been the thing I end up doing when supposed to be doing something else). But includes a great summary of the 'less talk, more rock' principle - or indeed, the 'rock before talking' principle.

I had trouble with the captcha too - the first time around it did not give me a box to type the letters in. I had to mess around with it and the second time the box was there. It is there first time around this time tho. The box is hard to see as well...

I rocked the workload yesterday, but im going to have to do that that every day this week if Im going to get the assignment done :(

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