Books and Writing

Thanks to NaNoWriMo, National Novel Writing Month, I have just written a novel. 50,330 words of fiction. I can call myself a novelist.*

I've wanted to write a book since I was a little girl reading them by the dozen. For years I've skirted around writing fiction. I've been a journalist, a features writer, a tech writer, a playwright, a tutorialist, a blogger - to varying degrees of intensity and success.

But writing something book-length eluded me until this month. It was a delightful challenge and I am very proud of myself for having completed a draft within 30 days - 26 days, actually, since I finished a bit earlier than the official deadline.

I had some happy surprises and discoveries while I spent the month writing.

Memories unlock themselves. My new novel is young adult story set in a high school. While visualising the action in the story, I remembered a lot of lost details from my own high school experience. And used them.

Characters come alive. After a couple thousand words, the characters were acting on their own. I only had to watch them and write down what they were doing and saying. This happened to me when I wrote a play, too, so I shouldn't have been too surprised. But I was delighted.

Continuity is tricky. I think I have a pretty good ability to hold details in my head, but am sure that there are things I've gotten wrong in my book. Inconsistencies like student council meets on Tuesday, yet I just wrote it was Thursday and here they are in a meeting. Hmmm. And did even Nick run for student council 20,000 words ago? Why is he in this meeting now?

Characters fight back. All the times I had "writer's block" it was because the characters didn't want to go in the direction I was trying to send them. Once I spoke out loud to my main character and negotiated a compromise, quickly ended the sticky scene, started a new chapter and writer's block was gone.

Coffee is necessary. My Inner Critic can be pretty loud, but if I give him a lot of coffee, he quiets down. Plus coffee makes my fingers go faster. Coffee is good.

Characters are unpredictable. Very often the characters did things I didn't anticipate. I'd start out writing a chapter about homework and suddenly someone got suspended. These twists were never planned and always moved the plot forward in interesting ways. I like those surprises.

Friends want to read this. At least half a dozen people have asked me if they can read it. That is the scariest part of the process! Though I probably won't publish it in physical form, after some editing, I will make a pretty PDF for you to read on you iPad or Kindle.

* The Inner Critic would like to disagree: I am not a Novelist because the novel it isn't finished yet. It is only a draft and even when it is finished it probably isn't worth reading, and even if it is good the chances of it getting published are about .01%. I think I need to give the Inner Critic some coffee now.

The kangaroo can jump incredible.
He has to jump, because he's edible.
I could not eat a kangaroo,
But many fine Australians do.
Those with cookbooks as well as boomerangs
Prefer him in tasty kangaroo meringues.

(Ogden Nash wrote this to be read along with Saint-Saens' The Carnival of Animals - Kangaroos.)

Today we went out wandering and ended up at one of our local branch libraries. We borrowed some CDs, a book of children's songs, and a bilingual version of the Japanese constitution with historical commentary.

I'm already enjoying the constitution. I am a big fan of the US constitution; I enjoyed studying it when I was in school. If I had taken up law, it would have been constitutional law. I ought not have overlooked the Japanese constitution for so long. It is an equally interesting document. I find myself already thinking "Really? That's not how things seem to work, at least not what I understand from current events" about quite a few points. Perhaps it will all come clear when I get to the Amendments.

The other book is a bit of a lark. Children's songs are a different sort of window into culture and I want to know some of the ones that every Japanese kid knows. Now I have a book of 600 of them. I need some help to narrow the field. Aside from Zousan, which I already sing to the elephants at the zoo sometimes, what song(s) do you think I ought to learn? Tod likes Oppai ga Ippai., Boobs are Full, which is more innocent than it seems, I think...

A little word of doubtful number,
A foe to rest and peaceful slumber.
If you add an "s" to this,
Great is the metamorphosis.
Plural is plural now no more,
And sweet what bitter was before.
What am I?

I think old riddles are neat. This is one of my favorites.

I wrote a poem using two-word phrases collected from the subject lines of spam I've received recently. They were so inventive, it seemed a pity to just throw them away. I've combined 28 of them into something that makes about as much sense and the spam they came in.

Better Life, Olive Crown

Olive Crown, yarn stretcher and wool-oiler, whips winter-hardened thread
(Yellow fleece, Wedgewood blue, winter teal) through her narrow-necked warp.

She is wind-worn but never withering at her loom.

Needlepoint lace, wire stranding through and through and through.
Her non-universalist, world-portioning weave oar-feathers the future.

Olive Crown does not want wicked speaking.

October bird whistles a single passing note into her parcel-popish neat house
Parrot mouths a one-seeded message, wonder-mocking the well-alleged tale.

World-strange patterns reveal the mock-beggar of truth.

This is a page from a South Australian cookbook, published by Argonout Bookshop circa 1945. MJ's stepfather, Pete, gave it to me when we were in Elliston. It's lost its cover and the pages are wrinkled and acid-burned but the recipes are delightful. Expect to see some of them in upcoming Recipe Thursdays.

But what cracks me up is the page opposite this brilliant bread ad.

What happens when seven people get together to read a section of Ulysses in a bar in Tokyo?

Hilarity ensues. We changed tables twice trying to find a quiet place away from the irritating 80s pop background music but failed. We ordered lots of beer, we rattled the microphone, we (ok, I) tripped over words while reading. But it was such fun that we'll likely do it again.

Here's what we recorded, warts, Bangles, and all:

Ulysses "section 4" 43'25" MP3 (40 MB) Read by David, Kasuemin, Susan, Robin, Tod, me, & Jeremy.

Syd, our official photographer, noticed a poster on the wall at our table--Learn English in Ireland--with a collage of images including a picture of Joyce and the cover of Ulysses. Providence.

If you want to learn more about why we were doing this or if you want to play, too, visit LibriVox and specifically the Ulysses thread in the forums.

I had the honor of paging through the only printed copy of my friend Elizabeth's new book this week. It's gorgeous, though she worries it is too heavy. I disagree; the book has a good heft.

But better than weight, it has recipes! From fish to desserts, there are fabulous Japanese dishes to cook, a richly illustrated "pantry" section, and lots of tips and kitchen techniques. It really is a marvel. I've eaten with Elizabeth many times and she is a master chef, even when we're just having a casual lunch while computer troubleshooting.

Washoku, Recipes from the Japanese Home Kitchen is due in bookstores next month and available for preorder from Tenspeed Press, and at Amazon.

Elizabeth talked with me about the book, along with one of my favorite topics, Japanese pickles, in my recent Hanashi Station show, Japanese Kitchen. (12.1 MB MP3)

Have a listen and order the book (unless you're on my Christmas list, in which case...surprise! You're getting a cookbook this year!). Elizabeth has a US book tour lined up, so check her calendar at Taste of Culture and see if she's going to be in your area soon.

I volunteered with Librivox to read aloud some of the public domain Project Gutenberg texts. I talked about doing this on my own last year, but except for some scattered short stories, never really followed through.

It's a daunting task to read an entire book aloud, so sharing the work with a cohort of other reader is a much more pleasant experience...at least for the reader. Who knows what the other readers sound like. Some will be good, others not as good. I'm striving for 'not the worst.'

Today I recorded the first three chapters of P. G. Wodehouse's Psmith in the City, a 1910 account of two college boys who go to earn a living at a bank--their arch rival is the bank manager, Mr. Bickersdyke (what a mouthful, it took me a few takes to get it right).

One of the things that I think will be interesting about this project will be reading books I'd never thought to read before. I read some Wodehous, but not this one.

I don't know when it will be put up on Librivox, or when the following chapters are scheduled to come out, but here it is for your enjoyment (in two different formats):

Psmith in the City, chapters 1-3 29'45" MP3 (27.2 MB)

Psmith in the City, chapters 1-3 29'45" OGG Vorbis (25.8 MB)

Ah, another Parker reading randomly selected from The Portable Dorothy Parker. At this rate, I'll have read the whole thing aloud in about two years. Still haven't gotten to the poetry, though. This one is a short story from 1936.

From the Diary of a New York Lady by Dorothy Parker 8'45" MP3 (8 MB)

I can't get enough of Dorothy Parker, though you are probably tired of my daily readings. That's just rotten for you but I assure you it is just a phase. I'll soon be onto new topics.

Here's another book review from the New Yorker column, "Constant Reader," circa April 1928.

These Much Too Charming People by Dorothy Parker 7'44" MP3 (7.1 MB)

One of my favorite sections of The Portable Dorothy Parker is the collection of her book reviews. From 1927 through 1933 she wrote a column for The New Yorker called "Constant Reader." I've never enjoyed book reviews as well as hers; they are snarky comments on society with books as a catalyst.

Though my reading hardly does Dorothy Parker justice, I love these reviews so much that I cannot prevent myself from reading them aloud to you (No doubt Mrs. Parker would have something to say about that). This one is from the November 17, 1928, issue of The New Yorker and it reviews two books.

Wallflower's Lament by Dorothy Parker 7'35" MP3 (7 MB)

I had the good fortune at St Mark's Bookshop in New York, to find a book I've been missing since I packed it away eight years ago in Pittsburgh. The Portable Dorothy parker is something I opened again and again when it was on my bookshelf.

So today, when it arrived fresh from America, I opened it at random, began reading aloud and recorded this short, five page story. I can't say it's my favorite, but then again, I can't say which one is. They're all worthwhile.

Sentiment by Dorothy Parker 11'55" MP3 (10.9 MB)

It's meme month. First the musical baton and now here's a bookish list that's payback from my sister.

1. Total number of books I own: I recently pared down quite a bit as they overflowed the space where I keep them. I now have about 200 books which still overflow but not into so many untidy piles.
2. Last book I bought:
   The 85 Ways to Tie a Tie, a delightful little book about mathematics and necktie knots written by a pair of theoretical physicists. I'm still learning to knot the best of the 85.
3. Last book I read:
   Kafka on the Shore by Haruki Murakami

   (Currently I'm reading Stardust by Neil Gaiman. I read it last week, decided it was a good read-aloud book and now I'm reading it to Tod.)

4. Five books that have been meaningful to me:
   
   
   
   • The Annotated Alice by Lewis Carroll with annotations by Martin Gardner. This was the first edition that I read when I was 8 or 9--talk about opening up the back door into literature at an early age. I can't read Alice in Wonderland without Gardner's notes popping into my head.
   
   
   • The Diamond Age by Neal Stephenson. Something about this book makes me read it over and over. The nanotechnology, the story, the strong female characters, the way the plot tangles and dissolves at the end. Haven't found a Stephenson novel I didn't like, but this one resonates.
   
   
   • Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert A. Heinlein. This is one of the few novels my parents did not allow me to read as a voracious teenaged consumer of books. So of course I read it as soon as I could but sometimes I wish I hadn't.
   
   
   • Cyclopedia by an unknown editorial board. It has a longer title, but the book is long gone, I'm afraid. It was written in 1902 as a one-volume collection of household tips, recipes, information on sewing, planting gardens, how to write thank you notes, the language of flowers, particulars of etiquette, parlor games and more.
   
   
   • Henley's Formulas edited by Gardner D. Hiscox. This book was my father's. It is reprint of a 1927 edition that contains 10,000 formulas for everything from adhesives to perfumes. If I ever want to create fireworks, sewing machine oil, cream soda, or my own photographic paper, I can.
   
   

5. Five people I'm tagging:
   Tod (he has no weblog, so he can just tell me over dinner)
   The Zous (they liked the musical baton)
   ...and I think that's enough. But feel free to pick it up if you like.

This week I went to the bookstore and purchased five books. Three were in Japanese; two in English.

That might lead you to believe that I can read Japanese. I can't. The Japanese books were all non-fiction, well illustrated and easy to "decipher" without having to read too much.

Today I made watermelon gelatin from this recipe.

Because I already have sufficient experience in the kitchen, it's pretty easy to figure out the recipes in a each monthly issue of Kyou no Ryouri. I don't need to read the methods too carefully and I know many of the necessary kanji. Sometimes an esoteric ingredient or an usual procedure sends me into the office for a dictionary, but generally, I get along with Japanese cookbooks just fine.

A restaurant with a beautiful night view.

A step up in complexity, this dining guide is still pretty easy to figure out without much actual reading. I skip over the restaurant reviews and look at the pictures. And all books like this one have neat arrangements of the cogent facts - price range with a sample menu, address, phone number, map, hours and a chart of highlight points about the decor and atmosphere.

Showa 34 (1959) map of Jimbocho compared to today.

The last book is the most challenging. Though I can enjoy it with limited reading, when Tod & I sat together looking at it and he read and translated bits of it aloud, I wished I could read better than I do. The book compares pre-Olympic Tokyo to today, pointing out some of the things that are still around and some that are not. Alternating with the map spreads are photos and text describing the era and its fashion. Did you know that in Showa 36 (1961) the fads were seamless stockings and skiing? In Showa 32, everyone was going to charm school and the word "deluxe" entered the national vocabulary (in katakana, of course).

According to the Salt Lake Tribune's recent article, book sales are down, despite an increase in titles. With 175,000 different books to choose from, readers purchased 44 million fewer books in 2004. That's a decrease of about 2% of total book sales (2.295 billion in 2004 vs 2.339 billion in 2003).

On the other hand, Kansas City infozine's latest survey shows that about 6% of American adults have created blogs and 1 in 6 read blogs.

I wonder if there is a correlation to be found here?

If more people are writing for a public audience through their weblogs perhaps they are gaining confidence and skill that lets them cross to the world of paper publishing. It can't hurt to show a publisher web stats that prove you have an audience who is likely to buy your book. That might explain the increase in titles.

The statistics might also explain the decrease in sales. Weblog readers have become used to a free reading experience. If 1/6th of Americans find reading weblogs satisfying, they might be decreasing their available time and desire to read physical books. Why pay for a book when you get stuff just as good for free online?

I'm not saying that weblogs equal books. I enjoy both and know they are different experiences. But maybe readers with limited time or budget don't see the difference as clearly--it all adds up to "reading" for them. And that might explain the decrease in book sales.

Only greed can account for the 2.8% increase in revenue for the book publishers, though.

For the last six months or so, I've been working on a cookbook with Jonathan, Sachiko, Narumi and Jeremy--a Japanese cookbook on how to throw Western-style parties at home.

Today we're working on our British Tea chapter. I've unearthed and ironed all my spring-colored linens found some pale pink tulips to decorate the table. Jonathan and Sachiko will bake scones and cakes while I assemble crustless sandwiches and make copious notes. Jeremy gets to work his magic behind the lens and make the food look beautiful.

When we've finished documenting the food, we will sit together and enjoy the feast. Nothing beats cookbook writing as an excuse to cook new foods and throw a party.

I hope my sister won't be too put out if I mention the publication of her third book of poetry, Book of Days.

The official introduction to the book on the FootHills Publishing's website mentions her previous poetic and playwriting accomplishments, but fails to tell of the seed of her poetry--a teenaged girl who spent her summers taking photographs of leaves and branches, roll after roll of film shot into the trees of our woodland neighborhood. It neglects to describe how poetry lives in her. She wakes every morning at the ungodly hour of 5 am to write in her journal (on paper with a pen, no less) before sending her daughter off to school and herself off to teach poetry to schoolchildren.

It is an unfair omission. Fortunately, Jenn's poem Omission does not miss the mark.

Omission

I write to you on cream paper with a watermark,
the kind that comes with lined envelopes
packaged in a box with a flat satin bow.
My script rolls in the safety of April as I tell
you about things you already know - how spring
connects the dots to form its landscape. The pages
fill quickly, the way strong women taught me.

I take an entire paragraph to describe the flowering
dogwood outside my kitchen window, how I am drawn
to the morning light of this month, the chickadees
that punctuate the feeder, that magnolia on fire.

On the third page, I stick with the comfort of the daily,
how my life is awash in Shakespeare, ninth graders
and the cruelest joy of untangling the language
of Romeo and Juliet. I say it's not quite a triumph,
fourteen is a tough age for understanding paradox,
I can tell by their gaping mouths when I say,
"in a minute there are many days" or "thou day in night."

I want to be cut out in little stars. How do I
close this letter? I sign in slow loops, seal
the envelope and place the stamp of Khalo
in its upright position. From their graves
the women of my family sigh and slip off their gloves.

-- Jennifer Hill-Kaucher

Book of Days available via FootHills Publishing for $14.00. If you're keen for a live sample, Jenn is giving readings in Pennsylvania in the upcoming weeks.

Fri, Dec 17, 7 pm
Deitrich Theatre Art Center, Tunkhannock, PA

Fri, Dec 30th, 8 pm
Test Pattern, 334 Adams Ave., Scranton, PA

Jan 15, 2005, 7 pm,
Barnes and Noble, Arena Hub Plaza Wilkes Barre, PA

I've been engaged mostly in NaNoWriMo writing, along with some attendant procrastination and husbanding of migraines, and have not had a lot of energy to observe the world around me for retelling here. So I will share with you the world inside that pours out onto the virtual pages of my word processor.

Below you'll find words 7367 through 8259 of the 17,014 I have written so far. (I am woefully behind--will I make 50,000 by the end of the month? I do not know.) Please recall as you read that this is not written for quality but for quantity. I will go back and qualify it after November 30th.

Ginza: shopping for shoes

Kimberly looked around, amazed at the crowds on the sidewalks. Five o’clock on a Friday afternoon and there was barely enough room to walk. So many men in suits. Women dressed to the nines in skirt suits and dresses with jackets. Half the women wore hats. And Kimberly hadn’t seen this many women in high heels in a long time. Hardly anyone wore flat shoes with skirts and definitely no sneakers. She was glad she’d packed her ankle books in her carry on. This was not a place for Pumas.

They passed a subway entrance and a big display of candy on a table. Kimberly paused to have a look. Little cardboard signs gave the prices. 100 yen for an oversized plastic syringe filled with goopy blue candy; candy necklaces for 250 yen; bags of pastel candies that looked like miniature mines for 300 yen. Tiny trays of candy sushi for 550 yen.

Keiko smiled. “We go more further. A little bit.”

A little bit turned out to be quite a long walk for Kimberly. They passed dozens of shops that she longed to duck into just for a minute: Sony, Hermes, Coach, and several big department stores with intriguing window displays. They turned the corner opposite Mitsukoshi and Wako.

“Just there,” Keiko said, indicating a big building down the block.

“Washington. It’s in English!” Kimberly said, delighted. This was going to be easier than she thought.

They walked through the glass doors into a wonderland of shoes. “Oh! How cute!” Kimberly exclaimed, rushing over to a pair of powder blue pumps with a silver flower buckle. “These are perfect for an outfit I have at home.”

Keiko picked up one of the shoes and examined it. “Buy it?” she queried.

“No, I need just one pair for tomorrow. My outfit is emerald green and turquoise with gold embroidery. These don’t match.”

“What size?”

“I’m an eight and a half in heels.”

Keiko looked confused. That was an American size. What did it convert to? She was famliar with the European shoes sizes since they imported them. But American sizes always confused her.

“Please wait.” She looked around to find a saleslady. One was already hovering nearby, so it wasn’t difficult.

“Excuse me, my friend is looking for a shoe for a wedding party. Her size is 8 1/2 American. Do you know what that is in our sizes?”

The saleslady pulled a chart from her vest pocket. “That’s a 26, ma’am. Our large size ladies shoes are on the 5th floor. Please go upstairs to see a range of lovely shoes for bigger feet.”

Keiko turned around to tell Kimberly, but she had wandered off to the other side of the shop and was looking at a pair of kitten heel mules. She held two other shoes in her hand-- gold sling backs and rhinestone trimmed turquoise blue pumps.

“Which do you think is better?” she asked, setting aside the mules and holding out the other shoes.

“Go upstairs for L size.” Keiko struggled a bit for the words to explain the situation. “Here only small shoes.”

“Oh, OK,” Kimberly agreed cheerfully, though she found it a little strange that the shop arranged shoes by size. But she had shopped sale racks where the shoes were divided by size, so maybe that’s how it worked in Japan. “What floor?”

Keiko indicated to the escalator. “Five floor.”

“Wow, that’s a lot of shoes,” Kimberly thought. “How big is this place, anyway?”

But as they rode the escalator to the fifth floor, she realized her mistake. They alighted to in front of a display of moderate black pumps and sling backs. Perfect for business, but not suitable for a party. Turning the corner to the main sales floor, Kimberly saw row after row of sensible shoes in black and brown leather: low heels, boots, walking shoes, loafers, and clogs. On the back wall stood a series of shiny white shoes for dying. Where were the cute styles she’d seen downstairs?

“Oh! Where are the dress shoes?” she wondered in dismay. She walked off to look at the bridal shoes. Maybe she could get something dyed quickly.

Keiko spied some high heels in the corner. They weren’t as glamorous as the ones downstairs, but they might be acceptable. “Kimu, elegance shoes here,” she called.

Kiimberly examined the offerings. Of the two dozen shoes in the Elegance collection, only one pair looked like it might work. It was a dull metallic gold slingback with a contrasting shiny gold section and a dangly opalescent sequin flower. Everything else was too plain or the wrong color.

“Let me try these on,” she indicated to the salesman who stood nearby. “Size eight and a half.”

“Size 26, please.” Keiko told him.

He returned a few minutes later with a box and fitted Kimberly for her new shoes.

“These will do, though I would rather have something a little smarter. If my lost shoes arrive tomorrow morning, I think I’ll wear the emerald pumps instead.”

“She’ll take them,” Keiko said.

“How much are then, anyway?” Kimberly thought to ask.

“Twenty-six thousand, eight hundred yen,” Keiko answered.

“I’ll put them on my credit card,” Kimberly said, blanching at the price of a pair of shoes she didn’t like all that much and hoped never to wear.

While writing this silly novel of mine, I've fallen back in love with Google. Because I am short on general reference books in my library (though we do have quite a collection of O'Reilley titles and Japanese language primers), Google is where I turn for fact-checking.

Some of the tidbits of info I've tracked down quickly for the book:

• How big is a wedding cake to serve 200 guests? (Greystone Bakery)
• What is the price of a pair of size 26 fancy dress shoes in Tokyo?(Ginza Washington)
• What time is the tuna auction in Tsukiji? (Wikipedia)
• What's the correct order for names in a wedding announcement? (New York Times)

Faucet in Hamarikyu park, Tokyo

Words are flowing out of my fingers quickly today but I've done little else of note. My NaNoWriMo word count stands at 10,639. Yeah, me.

National Novel Writing Month is just about 13/30ths over. Today I topped 5,000 words of the 50,000 I'm scheduled to write. It seems like I'm really behind, but I effectively started yesterday, so I might still make it in time if I write just a tad more every day. 3000 words a day is my goal and that's hardly anything, really.

I'm posting my word count in at NaNoWriMo and you can check my progress.

The ideas are falling into place. I have a working title--Party Wedding Plan--and I'm enjoying the process of writing in bulk. It's bad writing but there is a lot of it coming out of my fingers.

Read on for the shortest chapter so far, a mere 420 words:

Room 628: changing outfits

Robert was stretched out on the bed, watching CNN International. Kimberly was unpacking her clothes into the closet and dresser.

“Kimmy, you know we have to change rooms in the morning.”

“Yes, but my clothes will get more wrinkled if I don’t get them out of this suitcase.” Kimberly shook out a pale pink wool suit, then took a silky padded hanger from her suitcase and carefully clipped the skirt and draped the jacket over it. “Do you think I should wear this for meeting Mariko’s parents?”

Robert didn’t even glance up from the TV. “I’m sure that will be fine, dear. Isn’t that what you planned to wear, after all?”

Kimberly hung up the suit. “Well, yes, but now I’m having second thoughts. I mean, I don’t have the right shoes to wear with this, do I?” Kimberly sounded annoyed. “All I have are the Pumas I wore on the plane and the ankle boots I stuffed in my carry-on.”

“I see your point,” Robert said mechanically.

“Robert? Would you look over here a minute?” Kimberly was getting more annoyed. She stood stark naked in front of the bathroom door, holding up a blue silk shirt and a short sleeved cashmere sweater. “Which one do you think goes better with my black wool trousers?”

Robert glanced over at Kimberly, then focused his attention on her naked form. This was the aspect of his young wife he liked to encounter. “I think the birthday suit suits you best,” he leered.

“Robert…” Kimberly chided with a grin. “I mean it. Which one do you like better?” She displayed one top in front of herself, then the other.

“Let me see the first one again. OK. Now the other one. Now that first one again, please.”

Kimberly realized she was executing a fan dance for her husband. She gave in to his playfulness and vamped a bit more. Robert rose from the bed and met her across the room.

“They’re both fine, really. I like the feel of the silk against your skin,” he said as he rubbed the silk across her breasts.
“OK, blue then.” Kimberly pulled away from Robert’s embrace and backed into the bathroom. “I’m going to have a quick shower and then we can go down.”

“I like going down,” Robert tried gamely, seeing his chance inexplicably evaporating.

“Down to the coffee shop, I mean.” She closed the bathroom door, leaving Robert to wonder what he’d said or done to get himself shut out again.

Now see! oh! see, what a dreadful thing
The fire has caught her apron-string;
Her apron burns, her arms, her hair;
She burns all over, everywhere.

from The Dreadful Story of Pauline and the Matches in Shockheaded Peter by Heinrich Hoffmann

Nanowrimo began today. My output as of this morning is kinda light. If I don't write more than 200 words a day, I'm not going to make 50,000 words by the end of the month.

But here is the first line, for those of you who are following along:

The doll-sized brass statue of Ganesha that she’d bought in Bangkok all those years ago wasn’t really the classic Indian elephant-headed god at all, but the head of Ganesha grafted onto the body of a dancing Vishnu.

Do you have any idea where this is going? Neither do I. We'll see...

Now that you have a name for the dish, how should you describe it? It's a bit more challenging to explain how to write a description, but here are some pointers and examples.

Some menus don't use descriptions at all. This is fine if the name of the dish makes it obvious what it is. Vanilla ice cream probably doesn't need much more information, unless it's a an original recipe or served with optional toppings.

3 Points to Keep in Mind

1. If you write a description for one entree or appetiser, you should write them for all the entrees/appetisers . Sides, desserts and beverages may not need descriptions, depending on how complex they are.

2. Avoid vague adjectives. "Delicious chicken served with tasty potatoes" doesn't say very much about the dish.

3. Shorter is usually better. Diners don't want to spend all night reading the menu! But some dishes require a bit more explanation than others--it's OK to vary the length.
   

How to Create a Good Description

What do you want to say about the dish?

• any of the elements you skipped in the name: region, cooking method, flavor, cut, or accompaniment
• side dishes included with the dish
• any original or unique aspects of the dish

There are two main ways to write desciptions: "straight" or "with personality."

Straight descriptions focus on the food, its flavors, ingredients, and preparation.

Descriptions with personality address the diner directly: "You'll love our smokey barbecue sauce"; "We combine potatoes and garlic to create the perfect mashed potato."

It's much harder to write descriptions with personality. You really need to know the restaurant's atmosphere and even then, striking the right chord is a challenge. If you're not sure, stick with straight descriptions. Personally, I find menus with too much personality a little annoying. Use sparingly.

Here are some examples, along with my comments:

Baked Chicken Breast with Chipotle Pepper Pasta

Example A:
Healthy, skinless, boneless chicken breast atop a bed of spicy pasta.
(Brief and to the point. Adds the idea that this dish is healthy and the pasta is spicy. Tells you where the chicken and pasta will be on the plate.)

Example B:
Smoky, spicy chipotle pepper pasta enhances a skinless chicken breast.
(Gives more detail about the pasta's flavor but "enhances" is perhaps more opinion than fact.)

Example C:
Homemade smoked pepper pasta accompanies a skinless boneless chicken breast flavored with garlic and sherry.
(Takes the name of the dish a little further and tells about the flavor and preparation of both the pasta and the chicken.)

Example D:
Succulent baked chicken rests on top of a bed of delicious spicy pasta. This dish is a winner!
(This is bad. Uses a lot of vague adjectives and says nothing about the dish that isn't already in the name.)

Example E:
Looking for a healthy option? This skinless, boneless chicken breast served over smokey spicy pasta cuts the fat without sacrificing the flavor.
("with personality" focusses on the health benefits of the dish while also giving a little more information than was in the name)

Grilled Rosemary Lamb Chops with Garlic Mashed Potatoes

Example A:
Three chops served with potatoes, a salad and today's vegetable.
(Brief. Tells how much lamb you get and what if comes with.)

Example B:
Three fresh Australian lamb chops grilled to perfection and served with mashed potatoes, a salad and the chef's choice of vegetables.
(Again, tells you exactly what you're getting. Also where the lamb came from. "to perfection" is perhaps more opinion than fact)

Example C:
Three Australian lamb chops rubbed with rosemary and garlic are served with flavored mashed potatoes, todays steamed vegetable, and a side salad complete with our exclusive raspberry-walnut dressing.
(Tells more about the preparation of the lamb and details of the side dishes)

Example D:
Juicy Australian lamb served with delectable mashed potatoes. Our chef's favorite meal.
(Bad. No information that's not in the name, unless you care that the chef likes it...)

Example E:
We fly custom-cut lamb chops from Australia, season them with rosemary and garlic then grill them to order. Paired with garlic mashed potatoes, a seasonal vegetable and our house salad.
("with personality" lets the diner know that the lamb is specially imported and gives the list of sides.)

Vegetable Lasagne

Example A:
Layers of pasta and cheese alternating with seasonal vegetables and tomato sauce.
(simple and to the point but missing detail on the vegetables)

Example B:
Tender baked pasta layered with ricotta cheese, mushrooms, green beans, eggplant, onion and a garlic-y tomato sauce. Served with garlic bread and a side salad.
(Better. Lists the vegetables and the sides)

Example C:
A vegetarian-friendly baked Italian classic made with cheese, mushrooms, green beans, eggplant, onion and a tomato sauce. Served with homemade garlic bread and a side salad with your choice of Italian or French dressing.
(Focus on the vegetarian aspect, with good detail on the ingredients and sides)

Example D:
Hearty and filling lasagne stuffed with vegetables.
(Bad. What does this say that the name didn't say?)

Example E:
Nobody ever goes home hungry after ordering our famous lasagne. Five layers of tender pasta, ricotta cheese, sauteed vegetables and tomato sauce are baked and served with garlic bread and a side salad. Mangia!
("with personality" gives good details and a little Italian flair.)

Recently, a friend asked me to give her some tips on creating menus for restaurants (though how she knew that this is something I've done I don't quite know). I wrote up a few short e-mail lessons that I thought I'd present to you. You never know when you're going to be called on to write a menu!

Introduction
You already know that all menus are divided into sections: appetisers/starters, salad/soup/sides, main dishes (sometimes divided by type of meat used or whether its pasta/rice/meat), desserts and drinks. I'm sure that's not something you need any instruction on.

Something that I probably can't help you with too much is food knowledge. A good knowledge of food is important to be able to write menus. What's the difference between a flan, a pudding and a custard? How is a soup different from a stew?

The best menus have two points for each dish - a name for the dish and a description. In "Writing menus - lesson 1" we'll focus on the name of the dish.

3 Points to Keep in Mind

1. The name should clearly say what the dish is: Lamb with Lemon Sauce; Cajun-style Chicken; Fried Fish with Tartar Sauce. Unless the diner wants to know more, he can skim the names and figure out what to eat. If the dish as a classic or regional name, use it: Fettucini al Fredo; Eggs Florentine, Salad Niscoise; Cobb Salad. Then use the description to explain what it is (see lesson 2)

2. Cute names are a bad idea. What is "Happy Chicken" or "Uncle Joe's Breakfast" or a "Friday Relaxer"? Meaningless. Diners have to read too much to find out. And they feel silly ordering them, too.

3. Try to make each name easily shortened without any overlap with other dishes. "I'll have the lamb." "I'd like the chicken" "I'd like the fried fish, please." If there are two dishes with the same meat or main ingredient, be sure you identify each one by cooking method or flavor: grilled beef and stewed beef, for example.
   

How to Create a Good Name

You can't go wrong if you put the elements of the dish in this order:

Region + Cooking Method + Flavor + Main Ingredient + Cut + Accompaniment

You don't have to use all of them at once, though you'd be remiss not to include the main ingredient. Stick with the minimum needed to describe the dish clearly. For example:

New York Style Baked Cheesecake with Blueberry Sauce
(region, method, main, accompaniment)

Steamed Raspberry Pudding
(method, flavor, main)

White Chocolate Cake with Carmel Topping
(flavor, main, accompaniment)

Louisiana Barbecue Pork Ribs
(region, method, main, cut)

Chinese-style Pork Tenderloin
(region, main, cut)

Baked Chicken Breast with Chipotle Pepper Pasta
(method, main, cut, accompaniment)

Broiled Flounder crusted with Black Pepper
(method, main, accompaniment)

Stir Fried Shrimp and Asparagus over Angel Hair Spaghetti
(method, main, accompaniment)

Grilled Rosemary Lamb Chops with Garlic Mashed Potatoes
(method, flavor, main, cut, accompaniment)

Garlic Bread topped with Cheese
(flavor, main, accompaniment)

Vegetable Lasagne
(flavor, main)

Accompaniment can go in the description unless it's a major element of the dish, like "over angel hair spaghetti" or "topped with cheese" in the examples above. Include topping that adds to the flavor, like "blueberry sauce", "crusted with black pepper" or "carmel topping" above. No need to mention the parsley!

Distinguish the Ingredients

Be as specific as possible with the main. Not just "fish" but what kind of fish? What shape is the pasta - linguine, farfalle, penne, spaghetti? If it's a rice dish, what sort of rice is it - arborrio, basmati, wild rice? In Japan, you can leave off "Japanese" when writing about rice, because that's what everyone expects. But outside Japan there are lots of different rices.

The cut of meat is also important. Chicken legs and chicken breast taste different. I'd happily eat a grilled T-bone steak, but not a grilled rump roast.

Specialty Names and Descriptions

Here's a list of some of the classic descriptions. You can use these as shortcuts in your menu names, but be sure to explain what the dish is without the fancy name when you write the description. Below are some French terms and different cuisines all have their own specialised vocabulary!

xx Florentine (cooked with spinach)
xx Nicoise (with tomato, garlic, olive oil and, black olives)
XX Provencal (with garlic and olive oil)
xx a la mode (topped with ice cream)

And there are dozens of classic dishes that many diners will be familiar with, even though the names don't describe the dish explicitly. It would be strange to describe them using the method above. For example, lasagne. You could write it as Italian Pasta Casserole, but doesn't that sound wrong?

Lasagne, Ravioli, Pierogies, Naan, Palak Paneer, Waldorf Salad, BLT, Coq au Vin, Tacos, Burritos, Huevos Rancheros, Gazpacho...

There are many more descriptions and dish names, I've only listed some off the top of my head. There's an excellent dictionary of food terms here: http://www.cafecreosote.com/dictionary.php3

In the next lesson, I'll go over writing the descriptions to match the names.

I love to read aloud. I started early; I have memories of reading to my little sister on weekend mornings when we still lived in New Jersey (circa 1974). Once I read the entire Scholastic Books edition of Annie Oakley in a strange syncopated jazz rhythm. I read Sarah Crewe aloud to Jenn, too.

Jenn's not the only one to listen to me read. On a long car trip in the early 90s, I read David Brin's Earth to Tod as he drove. I often read him chapters from books he's reading. I read newspaper clippings, online articles and weblog postings to friends and family. I read to friends over the phone or in person when they are sick or tired.

Now I want to perform for a broader audience. I thought about volunteering to read for the blind, but Tod had a clever idea--read and record works in the public domain.

I will record them as MP3s and post them here as well as submitting them to audio book collectives. But what to read? There are hundreds of titles via Project Gutenberg. Where should I start?

I want a typewriter. I want to unplug from the digital world for a while and reconnect with the physical.

As a kid, I used my grandfather's portable manual typewriter to produce newspapers, menus, play programs, and all the other essential printed matter of my fantasies.

One of my first purchases as a working teenager was an electric typewriter. I typed out every issue of the West Hazleton High School "We-Ha" during my tenure as editor, then I carried it with me to university and used it for all my papers. And a few play programs.

But those old machines are both gone, as is the early 20th century Royal I found at a flea market. Now it's just me and the computers.

And I'm dissatisfied. I'd like to write without being distracted by incoming e-mail, IM, and RSS feed updates. You're thinking, "Well, don't launch those programs when you write." But I get antsy wondering might be missing some key communication. Does someone want to go to lunch with me? Have any of my friends updated their weblogs? Critical information--who'd want to miss that?

I'd like to return to fact-checking by referring to books instead of Google. My capacity to store facts and trivia was once legend, but has dwindled to nearly nothing. My brain is full of key-combinations to effect changes in my documents, but I can't remember the population of Tokyo or recall when I should use 'effect' or 'affect.'

Ironically, I've just purchased a new G5 with an amazingly large screen so that I can do my video editing in double-quick time. It arrives in 5 weeks. I'm doomed.

Language is full of words that people rarely use. The average English speaker's vocabulary is about 10,000 words from the 620,000 available in the OED. Shakespeare used 29,066 different words in his works and you have to imagine that he knew quite a few he didn't commit to paper.

Although I have no clue how large my lexicon is, I take pleasure in knowing odd words. Authors with large vocabularies, correctly used, make me smile, especially when our word-banks overlap.

This morning as I was reading Neal Stephenson's The Confusion, I came across a word that I love but have never, ever seen in context.

"The Armenian boy whispered up on slippered feet, bearing on a gaudy silver salver a tiny beaker of coffee clenched in a writhen silver zarf."

Zarf, along with vug, is a gift from my grandfather and his sister, Louise, who were both avid Scrabble players. My sister has the unabridged dictionary they used as their arbiter, but I received the pleasure of reading a word I'd only known as a curiosity from their games.

What a great way to begin a week.

I loan out books to everyone. With a few exceptions, I don't expect to get them back.

But over the last couple of months, every time I've gone to look for a specific one to loan, it's already gone. Tod asked last night "Do you know what happened to His Dark Materials?" Someone is enjoying it, I imagine, but I have no idea who it might be.

So now I'd like to figure out who has what, so I can engineer trades to get the books into different hands. It's like solving word problems. "If Friend A in Meguro wants to read book X which is currently held by Friend B in Kanagawa, how long will it take to get book X to Friend A?"

Do you have any books I loaned you? Which ones? Leave me a comment or drop me a mail...

From age 8 to 11, my friend Stacey always had a "mad lib" in hand and challenged us to "give me a noun, a name and a verb ending in 'ing'." We laughed a lot over these fill-in-the-blank paragraphs.

Before reading any further (no peeking, OK?), write down a

noun
color
name
exclamation
verb ending in 'ing'
adjective
noun
adjective
plural noun

Now, take those words in order and fill in the blanks.

A __(noun)___ wearing a ___(color)___ hat, walks up to the bar. "Pour me a drink, bartender. And one for my friend, ____(name)____. "

"Oh, he always does that. He's a ___(adjective)___ ___(noun)____ with ___(adjective)____ ____(plural noun)____."

Are you giggling?

Never judge a book by its cover. Good advice. But I think it's fair to judge a book by its prize.

Give me any Booker Prize winner and I'll enjoy it. The Bone People, Possession, True History of the Kelly Gang. You really can't go wrong with this list. These novels all have a very strong and individual voice. Quirky British books.

I've read the highest percentage of Nebula Award winners. A precocious child reader, I read all the kids' books in our small town library before I finished grade school. My parents turned me on to Agatha Christie and classic SF. I outgrew the mysteries, but still love science fiction.

So the Hugo award winners are also dear to my heart. These are the cream of the science fiction crop. Neal Stephenson's 1996 novel, The Diamond Age, ranks as one of my favorite books of all time. I've read it almost as often as I've read Alice in Wonderland (and I first read Alice when I was 8).

Pulitzer Prize novels are a mixed bag. With prizes given since 1918, thit's a very long list with a broad sweep--"fiction in book form by an American author and preferably dealing with American life." I hated The Shipping News, but it dominated the prize lists in 1993-94. On the other hand, who doesn't love A Confederacy of Dunces?

I've not read many of the titles awarded by PEN/Faulkner or the National Book Awards. Ha Jin's 1999 novel, Waiting, is on both and I found it a tiny bit slow but a worthwhile read.

On the other hand, I've never read a Nobel Prize novel that I liked but I'm sure that's my own fault. The prize is awarded to "the most outstanding work of an idealistic tendency" and I ought to know that I prefer adventure to idealism.

I'm slogging my way through 2000 Nobel winner Gao Xingjian's "One Man's Bible" right now. It's really tedious, though I've read other novels about the Chinese cultural revolution that I've enjoyed very much so I suspect it isn't the topic but the approach.

As soon as I'm done with this stinker, I will reward myself with another Booker novel.

Yesterday a friend introduced me to a clever poetic form, the abecedarium. It's just 26 words in alphabetical order.

They are great fun to develop and the last three words (x, y, z) present an interesting challenge. I went to bed last night thinking them up and woke up this morning early to write them down.

Fighting

Angry but calm.
Deflecting energy from gloved hands.
It's just karate love.
Me: No! Other people quarrel.
Really. Stop thumping; use valour.
We xoxo.
You zing.

Mysteries

Angels bring confusion.
Don't ever forget god's hand
Is juggling knives like man's nature.
Occultists properly question reality.
Saints travel unbroken vigils
without x-ing yesterday's zodiac.

Innumeracy

Algebra's big calculating drama:
Evaluate for G.
History is jute knotted like math notations.
Over previous quotients
Romans sought to undermine V with X.
Y ≠ Z

Go ahead, try one...your next poem is just twenty six words away.

Critics wanted.

My book of essays about life in Japan is nearly completed. The first draft is finished and I'm rewriting and editing it into somehting I think is in top form. But I've been looking at it too closely for too long. I need some feedback from you.

Would you like to read an essay or two (about 1500 words each) and send me your comments? Be brutal, nitpick, tell me what doesn't make sense, point out my grammatical errors and inconsistencies! Is the writing interesting or is this ideal bedtime reading?

I'll send you an essay by e-mail if you e-mail me at kristen@lm.com.